By JennyAtLAX, January 20, 2015

Inside $ources have revealed that Psych Hellis, $cientology’s International Justice Chief (“IJC”) and Goldenrod King (“GK”),  has received an emergency Goldenrod Transfusion ® to handle a problem he’s had since childhood.

Before a Goldenrod Transfusion ® can be declared, however, there are steps one must follow to ensure the quality of the goldenrod products as well as the safety and compatibility to the patient. Since we’re talking $cientology, however, Impress Me Ink (“IMI”), at 1720 North Goldenrod Road, #2, in Los Angeles, California, handled the Goldenrod Transfusion ®.

“I heard about IMI through a good friend,” Mr. Hellis told us by telephone. “The whole process was so smooth and the staff were just so super cool about communication; my emails, faxes, telephone calls, telexes, Western Union Telegrams and smoke signals were always answered right away.”

“I received my Goldenrod Transfusion ® from IMI quickly,” Hellis added, “with super duper high quality, and, most importantly, safely with compatibility. I will definitely get all my future Goldenrod Transfusions ® from IMI and tell $cientology Ethics Officers (‘EOs’) Wordlwide about it.”

Hellis had been scheduled to fly Reactive Airways to Tampa, Florida, in order to attend a scheduled Inquisition, but was rushed to IMI instead.

Here is the official Medical Note (“MN”) released late yesterday by Hellis’s attending physicians, Dr. Pagean Shield-Me of Glenda, California, and Dr. Elmer W. Fudd of New Dingleberry Park, California:

“Psych Hellis is deathly ill, and suffers from ‘acute serious non-confrontus’ (an infection of the middle finger), and has started the appropriate treatment.”

“He won’t be able to make it to the scheduled Inquisition. Fish don’t swim, birds don’t fly, and neither should Mr. Hellis. He’ll be re-evaluated in approximately one-to-two billion years.”


Dr. Pagean Shield-Me and Dr. Elmer W. Fudd

Hellis is recovering comfortably from the emergency procedure, hospital officials report.

Re: Attached to the email was a doctor’s note saying that [Mike] Ellis [International Justice Chief, Cherch of $cientology] was suffering from “acute bronchitis with reactive airways, as well as bilateral serous otitis media.”

See “Earache my eye: A Scientology official’s excuses why he can’t fly for deposition in fraud suit,” The Underground Bunker (Tony Ortega on Scientology).