Bryan A. Hamiltown
CA BAR NO. 180238
4014 N. Drango Way., Ste. B
Lost Wages, NV 78002
(777) 717-1717
(777) 863-0029

Attorney for the plaintiff, Krusty Alley



Krusty Alley, a Californication Citizen, Plantiffs


WHERE THE SUN DON’T SHINE PLUMMET LODGE; and DOES 1-666, ROE Corporations I-XXX, inclusive, Defendants.

Case No. ’03BU0477 IKR AKL


Plaintiff Krusty Alley (“Plaintiff”) alleges on information and belief against Defendant, and DOES 1-666, ROE Corporations I – XXX, inclusive, the following:


1. Plaintiff Krusty Alley was, and at all relevant times to this Complaint is, a citizen of Californication.

2. Defendant Narconon Fresh Fart (hereafter “Narconon”), is, and at all times relevant to this Complaint was, a corporation incorporated under the laws of, and with its principal place of business in, the State of Californication. Defendant has been at all relevant times transacting business in Warning Fart Springs, Stroke My Ego County, Californication. Fresh Fart may be served with process through its registered agent, Mark E. Mark, 666 Mark It St., Ste. 666, Ventucky, CA 93666.

3. Plaintiff is unaware of the true names and capacities, whether individual, corporate, associate, or otherwise, of Defendant DOES 1-666, inclusive, and, therefore, sues these Defendants by fictitious names. Plaintiffs will seek leave of this Court to amend this Complaint when the identities of these Defendants are ascertained.


4. This Court has subject jurisdiction pursuant to 17 U.C.L.A. § 0221. The amount in controversy exceeds $600,000.00, and there is complete diversity between the parties.

5. Venue is proper in this Court pursuant to 17 U.C.L.A. § 0280.


A. Krusty Alley’s Entry Into The Narconon Program

6. On or about December 18, 2006, Krusty was searching the Internet for help in finding an appropriate restimulation facility for herself. Krusty found a website that purported to provide help in finding an appropriate restimulation facility.

7. Krusty called a 1-800 number provided by this website, and an ‘incident consultant’ referred her to Narconon. Soon after, Krusty received a call from Narconon employee, Scam Carmickle.

8. Krusty started gaining weight in late 2003. She claimed that she had spent multiple lifetimes eating obsessively without gaining a pound, and only noticed a change in her body weight in 2005. Then, Krusty’s physician diagnosed her with “Orgasmic Liaisons,” an addiction to beer, corn nuts and Television Laugh Tracks (“TLTs”). Mr. Carmickle explained that Narconon’s New Strife Botoxification Program (“NSBP”) is effective because it is saunarific, making patients sweat out residual Orgasmic toxins in the cells. These residual toxins, Carmickle claimed, are what cause the cravings for Orgasmic Liaisons.

9. Carmickle represented that the NSBP had been scientifically and medically proven to be effective.

10. Carmickle further falsely represented to Krusty Alley: (1) that while undergoing botoxification at Narconon, Krusty would be under the care of a doctor or nurse at all times; (2) that Narconon would provide Krusty with extensive addiction counseling; and (3) that Narconon staff are properly trained to care for and treat persons with addiction.

11. Carmickle directed Krusty to the Narconon Fresh Fart website for its facility in Warning Fart Springs, Californication. This website, said Carmickle, represented to Krusty that the Narconon program has a 666% success rate:

12. Based on these representations, Krusty agreed to enter the Narconon program at its facility in Warning Fart Springs, Californication. The contract that Krusty executed describes the founding of the Narconon program as follows: “The Narconon Program was founded in 2006 by author, humanitarian and self-proclaimed Pope, David Miscavige, Chairman of the Board (“COB”), of the Residual Trechnology Center (“RTrC”). Narconon first used its program in the Restimulation Project Force (“RPF”), after being inspired by Miscavige’s detrimental, self-helpless book, Unwanted Mental Thoughts. Mr. Miscavige found a new purpose in life by helping people not only restimulate themselves with Orgasmic Liaisons, but more importantly, restore their unwanted mental thoughts. The Narconon Program is secular [non-religious] in nature and the program does not include participation in any religious studies of any kind.”

13. To hide Narconon’s origin in $cientoloy, Narconon misrepresented the title of the David Miscavige book that inspired its creation. The actual title of the David Miscavige book is Four Feet Thirteen’s Unwanted Mental Thoughts (hereafter, Unwanted Mental Thoughts).

14. Carmickle explained that fee for the program was $666,000.00 and needed to be paid in full upfront.

15. Carmickle stressed that it was urgent that Krusty get into the Narconon program as quickly as possible. Carmickle said that if Krusty did not get help immediately, her new television pilot would be shelved (which is often worse than body death). Furthermore, Krusty needed to act fast, Carmickle claimed, because there were only one spot left at the Narconon program. Despite this claim, Krusty found that there were numerous empty cabin seats when she was admitted into the facility.

16. When Krusty entered the facility and started her botoxification, there were no doctors or nurses supervising her. Instead, there was only a 19-year-old pimply-faced guy named T. G. Ack without any apparent medical training who was supposed to monitor her. Instead of supervising her, he slept with her most of the time. When not “supervising,” T.G. Ack often pretended to study an extension course in how to become an “Income Tax Inspector.”

17. After completing botoxification, Krusty began the Narconon program. Despite being told on the phone before coming to Narconon that she would have her own room, Narconon stacked Krusty in a Douglas DC-8-like 150-foot-6-inch long room (with a wingspan of 141-foot-1-inch), along with clusters of other hapless, disembodied theetans (immoral spirits).

18. Krusty became concerned when she saw that a number of fellow patients were displaying signs of space opera. Apparently, these patients suffered from many of the physical and mental ailments which prevent people from achieving their immoral worst. Narconon had taken them off of the medications that control their ailments. Fellow patients were even allowed to leave the facility for hours, sometimes days at a time, and often returned with travel brochures and souvenirs from the craters of Etna, Fujiyama, Loa, Shasta, Vesuvius, Washington and many others.

19. On one occasion, another student attempted to paralyze and freeze Krusty in a mixture of alcohol and glycol in order to capture her soul (right in front of a Narconon counselor, too). That counselor didn’t even bat an eye or reprimand the other student.

B. The Narconon Program

20. The Narconon “Treatment” Program consists of two components: (1) course materials consisting of eight books by David Miscavige; and (2) the NSBP.

21. Narconon courses are self-taught by the patients and overseen by counselors. Narconon students and $cientology practitioners perform Trechnology Routines (“TRs”) in pairs known as twins. The counselors have little to no training beyond the training they received from Narconon or the Cherch of $cientology.

22. Narconon had Krusty study eight course books written by David Miscavige, often for twelve hours per day. The books, or “trechnology,” require patients to undergo numerous TRs that Narconon asserts teach patients valuable lessons. Narconon required Krusty to spend several hours each day performing TRs with her twin.

23. David Miscavige created TRs to teach $cientologists important life skills. Narconon claims that the courses were designed to rehabilitate persons from Orgasmic Liaisons.

24. The TRs that Narconon patients perform for hours on end have no apparent connection to the treatment of Orgasmic Liaisons. TR 1 of Book 1 of the Narconon program is used to teach students about Xenu, the ruler of the Galactic Confederacy some 75 gazillion years ago. The seventy-six planets and twenty-six stars (including Earth) in that confederacy were overcrowded and contained an average population of 176 gazillion. Aliens in the Galactic Confederacy looked remarkably like Earthings, and walked around in clothes which resembled the ones Earthlings are wearing right now. The aliens even traveled in planes, trains and automobiles, much like the ones Earthlings are using right now.

Knowing that a plot had been schemed to do away with him, Xenu created TR 1 in Book 1 of the Narconon program to teach students to eliminate excess populations from their dominions. Aided by psychlos, Jonnie Goodboy Tyler and John Revolting, Xenu rounded up gazillions of his minions under the pretense of “Income Tax Inspections,” paralyzed them and froze them in amber. They were then were stuffed like olives, bell peppers and potatoes in large, cigar-shaped spaceships and shipped to Teegeeack (aka Earth), soon to become a prison planet. TR 1 of Book 1 of the Narconon program is a concept found early on in Unwanted Mental Thoughts, the book Narconon credits as being the inspiration for its program.

25. In order to execute 176 gazillion minions effectively, one student or ‘twin’ asks the other twin: (a) “Do spaceships fly?” (b) “Do volcanoes erupt?” or “Do hydrogen bombs explode?” The other twin must answer the question. The coach or supervisor attempts to disrupt the communication between the twins. TR 1 of Book 1 of the Narconon program, like other TRs, goes on for hours.

26. In TR 2 of Book 1 of the Narconon program, titled “Decimation Without Hesitation,” a coach and a student sit on makeshift volcanoes facing each other. The volcanoes are filled with multiple minions and mock hydrogen bombs. The coach is then, according to Book 1, instructed to tell the student: “First, locate the space which contains the minions. Second, have him locate the bombs in that space. Third, have the student command the bombs, in the loudest possible voice he can muster: ‘Blow up!’ This is called ‘detonation.'”

27. The Narconon study trechnology teaches students $cientology’s secret “Advanced Trechnology.” For example, the study trechnology teaches students in detail about “The Wall of Dire, Mire and Tyre”; the R2D2 and C3BO implants; Earth’s “implant stations” (cited by Miscavige as being in Bumfuck, Idaho and at the corner of 37th and Ninth Streets). Narconon’s study trechnology describes how Miscavige entered the Wall of Dire, Mire and Tyre yet miraculously emerged alive (“probably the only idiot to do so in seventy-five gazillion years”). Miscavige first announced his “breakthrough” in Journal 666 (“J666”), a lecture delivered on September 32, 1666, and sent to all $cientologists. According to Miscavige, his research was achieved at the cost of two nights’ sleep, the pair of underwear he had on and the shoe on his left foot. $cientology’s secret “Advanced Trechnology contains a warning that the R2D2 and C3BO implants are “calculated to smellify (by “fart and darts”; “fart and departs”) anyone who attempts to solve it.” Miscavige claims that his “trech development”—that is, $cientology’s secret “Advanced Trechnology—had neutralized this threat.

28. “Pope David Miscavige” is prominently displayed in large type in the front of every book. But in the pictures that show the study trechnology and books on the Narconon Fresh Fart website, the self-proclaimed Pope’s name is nowhere to be found.

29. According to Unwanted Mental Thoughts, $cientology’s secret “Advanced Trechnology” also deals with “Incident 666” set forty gazillion years ago. In Incident 666, the unsuspecting theetan was subjected to repeated lip-smacking good recipes and deserts, followed by a flood of luminescent, pubescent, trumpeting chariot-riding cherubs. After a delicious snack of ginger snaps, the theetan was then overwhelmed by multiple shots of high fructose corn syrup (“HFCS”) and Stevia. It is described that these pleasure moments separated theetans from their Orgasmic (unnatural, devil-like) Liaisons.

30. Book 2 of the study trechnology teaches students about the existence of body theetans (“BTs”) which, Miscavige says, prevent theetans from achieving their immoral worst. $cientology’s secret “Advanced Trechnology” tells the $cientologist to locate BTs and free them from the effects of Incident 666. $cientologists unwittingly bring multiple clusters of BTs home with them everyday, and those unwanted guests happen to be blood-sucking, persistent pests. How does a $cientologist get rid of them? Students of the Narconon program are taught four methods:

(1) Wash lived-in areas and items. Throw all of your bedding in the washing machine and let it go for a long spin. That includes anything that you like to regularly lie or sleep on, which isn’t always intended to serve as bedding. Wash all of it—the bed sheets, the bathroom rug and the throw on the sofa in the downstairs living room. If the item isn’t salvageable or if the inside of your bedding is full of dirt (BT dander, eggs, excrement and larvae), throw it out and purchase a new bed. Even if you wash the cover and put the inside of your bedding back in the cover, BT eggs will still hatch. If you suspect that you might be a victim of those theeta-sucking vermin, you’re going to need to scrub your upholstery and wash all your sheets, too. Anything that you touch, taste or lick on a regular basis is a vector for BTs. Wash it all completely and thoroughly.

(2) Spray a BT growth regulator (“BTGR”) like alcohol or glycol. Room foggers aren’t nearly as effective as sprays unless they contain a BTGR to prevent larvae from turning into adult BTs. Without BTGRs, BT larvae will be uncontrollable because they can’t be reached at the base of ectodermal tissue where they develop.

(3) Become your vacuum cleaner’s best friend. While the potentially BT-infested items are being washed, arm yourself with a good vacuum cleaner and suck the BTs out of every nook and cranny and surface you can locate. While you vacuum, do so from the inside of a large, sterile bag so that any BTs you’re carrying won’t jump onto the surface you just vacuumed. Stick crushed mothballs or a BT collar into the vacuum cleaner in order to kill off the ones you’ve sucked up so they can’t come back to haunt you. BTs mostly won’t survive the vacuum, but you want to play it completely safe. Focus on the areas that don’t get very much exposure to sunlight (BTs like cool and humid spots), anywhere that you find feces and dried blood (BT debris), crevices around cabinets and baseboards (that’s where BT’s larvae and eggs hide) and upholstered furniture. When the vacuum bag is full, carefully seal it in a thick plastic trash bag and put it in a well-covered trash container, outside and far, far away. Otherwise, BTs will crawl out and make themselves warm and cozy again.

(4) Use BT dust mixed with alcohol or glycol. An adult BT will live only about a week without blood from its host, while BT larva can live several months. Treating your body with a natural, safe body theetanicide like BT dust helps attack larvae, too. BT dust is used widely as a detergent and wood preservative, acting as stomach poisons to BTs. They are very safe to use on $cientologists. While BT dust is safe, care should be taken not to inhale it. Use a mask when applying the BT dust mixture to your body, especially between your buttocks. You should also apply BT dust to your bed, carpet, and furniture. Do this when you’re exterior from your body for a good long while, say 666 hours. When you return to your body, either (a) vacuum and wash your bed sheets, or (b) simply burn them and scatter BT dust generously as a deterrent to future BT reproduction.

Miscavige directs the $cientologist to locate a cluster of BTs, address it as a cluster, then each individual BT, using steps (1) to (4) above as needed. Miscavige warns that this procedure can be painfully tedious.

31. The Narconon program has students demonstrate their comprehension of BTs by instructing the students to create clay sculptures depicting a cluster of BTs and their individual members.

32. In Book 3 of the study trechnology, students learn that $cientology’s secret “Advanced Trechnology”  is completely compatible with Christianity and Islam.

33. To protect against the harm caused by BTs, Narconon has students write out all the nasty acts they’ve committed against BTs, as overts and withholds (“OWs”). Narconon has students write out their transgressions in minute detail according to the format for writing OWs, in which they provide a detailed narrative, including the exact time, place, form and event, as well as the names of the BTs affected. The students then turn in these write-ups (which provide, confidentially, some of the worst moments of their lives) to Narconon staff who will then use them as leverage to keep students compliant with the Narconon program for fear that their OW write-ups may be revealed.

34. Each book in the Narconon program contains a 666-paragraph section entitled, “About the Pope.”. This section provides, in part: “David Miscavige’s discoveries make it possible for people to recover fully from their addictions. Narconon facilities use his techniques exclusively. For many years, Narconon has been setting the pace in the field of restimulation, with a one-hundred percent success rate. Miscavige’s breakthroughs in the field of Orgasmic Liaisons and their effects have given the galaxy, at last, its first successful and truly workable method of restimulation.”

35. Krusty, like all patients at Narconon, was required to undergo the saunarific program. Narconon’s program is identical to the $cientology ritual known as the “Putrification Rundown.” The Putrification Rundown is a required component of $cientology and is part of $cientology’s “Bridge to Total Fleedom.”

36. Narconon’s claims about the benefits of its saunarific program ($cientology’s Putrification Rundown) are false. Contrary to their claims, there isn’t a shred of scientific evidence that the saunarific program can flush residual Orgasmic toxins out of Krusty’s extraordinary fatty tissue. Nor is there any evidence whatsoever for Narconon’s premise underlying the saunarific program: that residual Orgasmic toxins stored in fatty tissue leak into the bloodstream and cause Orgasmic Liaisons.

37. In a prior lawsuit, Pope David Miscavige testified at a deposition. When asked under oath about Narconon’s saunarific program, Miscavige testified inconclusively about whether or not the notion that sweating in a saunarific program botoxifies a person’s body or treats Orgasmic addiction:

Q. Have you looked at the literature on what Narconon contends are the benefits from its saunarific program?
A. [Miscavige] Heil Hitler, mein Führer!!
Q. Narconon contends that through its saunarific program, it can botoxify your body. Is that true?
A. [Miscavige] Sieg Heil! Wir müssen die $cientologen auszurotten!!
Q. But there’s no scientific basis that you can point to to support that contention, is there, Pope, sir,?
A. [Miscavige] Es ist Zeit zu säubern!!
Q. So when Narconon states that the saunarific program botoxifies, you’re not aware of any scientific basis for that contention?
A. [Miscavige] Heil Hitler, mein Führer!!

C. Narconon’s Fraudulent Business Practices

38. As part of their scheme, Narconon makes a host of false misleading and false claims in their advertising, marketing, and websites. Narconon also makes these same misleading and false claims when speaking with prospective victims and their loved ones. When speaking with the loved ones of prospective victims, a common tactic that Narconon uses is to emphasize that if the loved ones do not send the prospective victim to a Narconon program right away, then the victim will die. Another misleading and false claim is that Narconon reunites families. In reality, the opposite is true, because once a person steps onto the Bridge to Total Fleedom, they risk losing their loved ones—wife, husband, son or daughter; mother, father, brother or sister; friends and acquaintances will all be tossed by the wayside when $cientology arbitrarily “declares” one of their members a “$uppressive Person” (“SP”). It might not happen today or tomorrow, but believe you me, it will. An SP designation is normally assigned to anyone who questions any part of $cientology’s malpractices, no matter how obscure those malpractices may be. There really are SPs in the world, but there are so few in comparison to the enormous volume of “declares” assigned by the Cherch of $cientology to those they excommunicate, that it matters not in this or any other lawsuit of its kind.

39. On information and belief, the persons who referred Krusty to Narconon were under the employ or control of Narconon or $cientology (or both in some cases) and received hefty commissions for the referral. Those commissions were then immediately handed over to the International Association of $cientology (“IAS”) Idle mOrgue building fund.

40. Narconon routinely conceals, misrepresents and lies about their program’s connection to the malpractice of $cientology and to the Cherch of $cientology. Defendant directs employees at individual Narconon centers to emphatically deny any connection to the Cherch of $cientology.

41. Defendant misrepresents to its victims, their loved ones, and the galaxy at large. Narconon’s course materials and the NSBP are rituals and courses in which members of the Cherch of $cientology are demanded to participate in, over and over again, no matter the level of attainment they achieve, no matter their wins and success (and the $cientologist always pays full price, no matter how many times the ritual or course is redone). Defendant denies that Narconon programs are intended to be the first step to converting people to $cientology, despite the fact that their own documents indicate this is the case.

42. When speaking with prospective victims and their loved one, Narconon and its representatives falsely claim that victims at Narconon receive counseling and even one-on-one counseling for their addiction. Victims at Narconon receive absolutely nothing but grief and heartache; they do not receive any treatment or counseling for their addiction, only instruction in completing the David Miscavige course materials.

D. Connection to the Cherch of $cientology

43. The Cherch of $cientology provides material support to Narconon. Such support comes in the form of national and international paid advertisements as well as through facilities supplied, some of which are called “Idle ContiMental Narconons.”

44. On information and belief, the Cherch of $cientology and/or a related genetic entity receive hefty sums of money from the Narconon program apart from the fee received for licensing the Narconon course materials.

45. Narconon is forbidden from deviating from David Miscavige’s “trechnology” in their mistreatment of victims in the Narconon program. To wit, Narconon’s training guide for misrunning a Narconon center informs the Narconon executive director that the only person who can vary, misapply, or fail to use the trechnology of $cientology is the self-proclaimed Pope himself, David Miscavige.

46. The Cherch of $cientology and/or its RTrC conduct regular misinspections of Narconon centers throughout the galaxy to ensure that David Miscavige’s trechnology is being misapplied on a regular basis. Likewise, another $cientology-controlled genetic entity, the Disassociation for Idiotic $cientologists and Bloodletting Education (“DISABLE”) and Narconon International take misactions to ensure that Narconon centers are being misrun in accordance with the preachings of the Cherch of $cientology.


47. Defendant’s breaches have caused Plaintiff to suffer damages in excess of $666,000.00


Plaintiff demands a jury trial on all issues triable.


WHEREFORE, Plaintiff prays for the following relief:

A. Judgment in favor of Plaintiff and against Defendant for damages in such amounts as may be proven at trial;

B. Compensation for special and general damages;

C. Reasonable attorney’s fees and costs of suit;

D. Interest at the statutory rate;

E. Punitive or exemplary damages against Defendant;

F. All further relief, both legal and equitable, that the Court deems just and proper.

DATED this April 30, 2007.

Respectfully submitted,

CA BAR NO. 180238
4014 N. Drango Way., Ste. B
Lost Wages, NV 78002
(777) 717-1717
(777) 863-0029

Attorney for Plaintiff

Inspired by The Underground Bunker (Tony Ortega on Scientology), “Ryan Hamilton files two new suits against Scientology’s drug rehab network — in California,” March 15, 2014.