I, JennyAtLAX, declare and state as follows:

When we opened our first Internal Revenue Service (“IRS”) office (cleverly disguised to look like an Ideal Org) in Washington, D.C., in 1936, I was there for a few years, under the direction of Mr. David Miscavige, leader of Scientology, Inc. (“SI”), Chairman of the Board (“COB”)—in communication with him every day, to establish that facility. That place is exquisite and working on that was one of the most exciting projects I have ever done.

Architect Louis A. Simonsays designed the building, which is located as 12th Street, and Pennsylvania Avenue.

Upon completion, I have also assisted in the purchase, design and renovation of all IRS/Ideal Orgs (“IIO”). Recently, Mr. Miscavige asked me, “Haven’t you noticed that SI buys and restores only those buildings listed on the National Register of Historic Places (“NRHP”)?” I hadn’t noticed, I replied, and my heart swelled with the knowledge that he was interested in every detail and proud of it. “Every building that is on the NRHP list,” COB added, “is a work of art; a historical treasure filled with the beauty, harmony, rhythm and symmetry that makes them completely comfortable for Suppressive Persons (“SPs”) to visit, despite the fact the SI will completely capture their souls once they step through the front door.” Mr. Miscavige granted every IIO with such care and importance; I knew then that this was an executive like no other.

I got every OSA staff member set up and uniformed so they could easily pose as an IRS agent. All OSA staff were specially trained so that they can command OSA Attack Squadron 4, RTC Confederation Nuclear Squadron Six and CST Collector Ships. Through the NRHP, we received considerable discount in order to purchase massive quantities of GAT III bomb-pop canisters and pallets of glycol-alcohol canisters. We also set up a special room in each IIO for our Origami Folding machines. At LAX, I proudly oversaw the construction of IIO’s fleet of 9,000 OSA Spaceliners and Stealth RTC Network Command Spaceliners, each equipped with the RTC FLIR Volcano Acquisition System.

Each IIO also acts as a CSI implanting facility. Bridge Publications worked 24/7 for the last three decades in order to prepare enough Orientation videos for the 36-day party, and all 1,828 of COB’s speeches have also been remastered with Clearsound.®

Since 1936, there has been an IIO expansion at orders of magnitude only previously dreamed of, led by Mr. David Miscavige, and with a proud management team following his lead. We have so much more to come. We are in our prime and are just now getting going. We have several more new IIOs being renovated. Soon, we’ll have incredible GAT IV bomb-pop canisters available in 6-packs from your local 711 stores so you can prepare your neighborhood SPs for easy pick up and delivery. The future is brighter than it has ever been.

I declare under penalty of perjury that the foregoing is true and correct.


Inspired by OTVIIIisGrrr8! The World’s Best Satire of the Church of Scientology and its Leader David Miscavige, “Captain Miscavige Orders the Nuclear Option Against HBO!” March 17, 2015.