(Note: an introduction to this series, “Body Routing Not,” can be found by clicking here.)

Today, I spied a small cluster of Body Routers (“BR”) on all but the northwest corner of Vermont Ave. and Sunset Blvd., a few blocks east of Scientology’s West Coast headquarters, the Pacific Area Command Base (aka “PAC Base” or “Big Blue”). I assumed my stance on the northeast corner, a few feet away from two BRs, a guy and a gal. She’d seen me in action before; I must have made feel her a little nervous. As she filled her counterpart in on what it is that I do, she talked out of the corner of her mouth and tried to block my view of her, but I ever so gently eased my way so I could keep an eye on what they were doing. Then they watched me watch the BRs at the southeast corner working on a young guy I’ll name “Ed.” One BR talked Ed’s ear off long enough to make him miss the light; that BR urged with the forward motion of his body for Ed to follow him to the Los Angeles Organization (“LA Org”), but Ed wasn’t going anywhere except with the light, across the street and toward his destination.

I kept hoping that the next change in traffic lights wouldn’t occur without my attempt at rescuing Ed from Scientology Inc’s (“SI”) grasp.

Bingo! The light changed and Ed walked toward me as I crossed the street halfway to meet him. When you approach people like Ed to present an alternative to SI, they generally respond quite well. Maybe someone like Ed has been “primed” by a BR for easy communication; perhaps one simply feels relief when released from a BR’s clutches.

“Did you know that those guys who gave you that Dianetics ticket are Scientologists?” I asked. Ed had a nice smile; we crossed the street and headed toward the main entrance of the subway.

“This book,” I announced, holding up Lawrence Wright’s Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood & the Prison of Belief, “is an expose on Scientology. The movie version of this book will air on HBO this Sunday night.”

“Thanks,” Ed replied thoughtfully, “I think I’ll check it out.”

I crossed the street, and headed west on Sunset, toward L. Ron Hubbard Way. Two Sea Org members came walking toward me as I silently held up Wright’s Going Clear for them to see. It’s interesting to watch other people, especially Scientologists, because as they waked, they kept up their conversation, but they, too, talked out of the corners of their mouths while looking at the book sideways.

At LRH Way, two students, a Sea Org member with a clip board and her twin, walked across the street toward SI’s complex. I held up Wright’s Going Clear, announcing the bestseller is coming to HBO on Sunday night, adding that I wouldn’t trust anything David Miscavige said.

Comments from Tony Ortega’s Blog:

“Wow. Someone needs to get that woman on the left a ‘Way to Happiness’ pamphlet. I would use your technique in Clear Water, Fred, but their ain’t no bodies to route.” [Editor’s Note: The lady on the left (the one with her arms crossed) already has a ‘Way to Happiness’ pamphlet: it’s stuffed up her butt, thus the tight twist of her neck and jaw line.]

“Scientology Body Routers attempt to route a body into the shop. Red Alert!! Thwarted by Body Rescuer, Commander Fred G. Haseney. Wonderful recounting, Fred, love these reports. :)”

“STRANGER DANGER… STRANGER DANGER… ’cause I can’t think of anything more stranger than ‘Scientoonlogy.'”

“Hi, Fred. I really appreciate what you do on busy LA streets and your updates. Thank you, sir.”

Welcome to Scientology Inc’s “Pleasure Dome”

Scientology Inc. (“SI”) is its own “Pleasure Dome.” Can you imagine living in a “perfect” world, where everything you do is wonderful? Can you imagine even for a moment what it’s like to not have to accept crap of any kind, to have only “good” thoughts and to automatically filter out the bad? SI is a place where only the “best” happens; it’s a dream where the Prince always finds Cinderella, and they always live happily ever after.

Scientology is that dream, a place you can “escape” to, where you and L. Ron Hubbard (or David Miscavige) will live happily ever after. Oh, and don’t forget all of your “perfect,” “good,” “best,” and “happy” SI friends and associates.

It doesn’t have to stop there: form a SI Front Group. Start your own Narconon, or join staff at an existing Narconon. You could do the same thing at dozens and dozens of “happy” places around the globe. Again, you’ll be surrounded by a bevy of “perfect, good, best, and happy” Scientologists.

You will be severely protected from the Real World; your right (and the the rights of other Scientologists around you) to the Pleasure Dome will be fiercely guarded like a treasure, as the Operating Thetan (“OT”) Levels once were to SI.

Please, if you will, step away from the curtain. Doubt nothing. Stay focused. Never move your blinders. Don’t blink! Flunk! Sit still! Do birds fly? Do fish swim?

In SI’s Pleasure Dome, fish always swim; birds always fly.

Photos courtesy, and inspiration, from Something Can Be Done About It (Mike Rinder’s Blog), “LA Org Bodyrouting,” December 17, 2014.