Scientology After Going Clear
Los Angeles Field Operations
April 16, 2015, 0810 Hours
Fred G. Haseney, your West Coast Correspondent, reporting from TIME Magazine Incorporated’s… er, um, I meant to write, Scientology Incorporated’s (“SI”) West Coast headquarters, the Pacific Area Command Base (aka “PAC Base” or “Big Blue”). I’m actually a few blocks from the Big Bloated Blue, just west of Normandie Avenue, making my way to 5165 Fountain Avenue, in search of “Mark Webber,” the TIME magazine writer who requested an interview with screenwriter and film director Paul Haggis.
I didn’t have any luck finding the mysterious “Mr. Webber”; perhaps somebody should file a Missing Person’s Report with the Los Angeles Police Department. Speaking of the LAPD, I would like some advice: the guy in the main photo I’ve posted (the picture with “Los Angeles Field Operations” in white type on the blue background; the guy wearing a t-shirt and glasses who’s exiting the front door of SI’s berthing at 5165 Fountain Ave.), made a beeline for me filming across the street. He said that Sea Org members might not/don’t want pictures taken of them. I said I understand that (“Thank you for telling me,” I politely replied), but I am on public property. Should I take this as a warning? I would rather not further stir the Big Blue Beast from its slumber.
I saw that guy talking on a cell phone as I left (I smiled and waved goodbye to him), presumably with Security at Big Blow Now. Perhaps that guy is our “Mr. Webber”?
After uploading the video to YouTube, no thumbnails were provided, so the video is seen with a blank, black screen (before viewing, that is). Once I’m fully verified on YouTube, I can upload my own thumbnails and bypass this function.
Those Sea Org uniforms are just lousy. They look like something a waiter or waitress would wear at a really, really bad steakhouse in a really, really bad part of town; to better “serve” their public, no doubt. Say, that reminds me of a cookbook:
From the television script of “To Serve Thetans,” episode 47X of the anthology series The Twilight Thetans which originally broadcast on Scientology Media Center’s opening day, March 13, 2099:
Cryptographer Tony Ortega attempts to decipher Scientologese found in the ancient tomes unearthed in Hemet, California, including the Technical volumes of Scientology Incorporated. Patty, his trusty office assistant, runs, sweating and out-of-breath into their office:
ORTEGA: What’s going on, Patty? What’s the matter?
(Angle looking up at her. Her lips quiver with fear.)
PATTY: I… whew… figured out their language. Every last word of it. I’ve cleared each and every word in all of their Tech volumes.
(Angle on a speaker overhead. Xenu’s metallic voice shrieks.)
XENU’S VOICE: Can you just move along please? Brilliant. Just brilliant. Nobody’s even going to notice that you’re gone, man. You guys are embarrassing and pathetic. Pathetic. Why don’t you do something with your lives. Wow. What losers. Embarrassing, humiliating, disgusting. You have no facts. Nobody cares. Nobody’s interested. It’s a God-damned joke. No one gives a crap. OK?
(Cut to: Two-shot of Ortega and Patty)
ORTEGA (ignoring Xenu): Yes, what’s the answer to Scientologese?
PATTY: Mr. Ortega… Mr. Ortega, the first 47 trillion pages is just a collection of Hubbard’s words and their own rendering, just a never-ending discourse, blabbering on and on and on. But the rest of the volumes… the rest of those books—they’re cookbooks for Broiled Body Thetans!
Here are photos and a video I shot this morning at 5165 Fountain Avenue:
Inspired by fellow Bunkerites Tom Yozwiak, Newiga, sizzle8 and Ardent as well as The Twilight Zone, Jenny Linson DeVocht and the Underground Bunker (Tony Ortega on Scientology), “Scientology spy caught trying to interview Paul Haggis as fake ‘Time’ magazine reporter,” April, 16, 2015.
Comments from The Underground Bunker (Tony Ortega on Scientology):
“These are great, thanx Fred!”
“We appreciate you, Fred. Actually doing something directly about it!”
“Fred, these reports are great. Love your courage in being willing to actually ‘live in your neighborhood’ and not be intimidated by Co$, which thinks it owns everything. Keep sending them!”
“Maybe next time someone objects you taking photos you can say that this is the only way some of their families will know where they are.”
“Great work, Fred! It is always interesting to see how Scientology wants to spy on people and infiltrate but does not want to be photographed or have anyone look into its affairs. What a bunch of staggering hypocrites and lawbreakers! OSA member Donatella Kevenaar had a video taken down off the internet that contained footage of her on a public street shot by Angry Gay Pope. The Cherch even went after the video in other countries.”
“Great pics! Don’t the Sea Org staff look like a big, happy, uptone bunch of people? Makes me want to run over and join in the fun!”
“The Sea Org uniforms are gradually evolving into the sort of thing worn by the busboys at a restaurant that used to be nice, but has become passe to the hipster crowd.”
“Their faces make me sad. They seem to all be thinking ‘what the hell have I gotten myself into?’ And what’s with the white piping, does anyone know who designs these Sea Org costumes? They used to look like mediocre steakhouse waiters, now they remind me of beater-limo drivers. That polyester must feel awful.”