Scientology After Going Clear
Los Angeles Field Operations
April 25, 2015, 1545 Hours
Fred G. Haseney, your West Coast Correspondent, reporting from Scientology Incorporated’s (“SI”) West Coast headquarters, the Pacific Area Command Base (aka “PAC Base” or “Big Blue”). Today, I’m reporting under cover due to light-to-heavy rain from the corner of Vermont Avenue and Sunset Boulevard, where I can’t help but wonder:
“If Body Routers get wet, will they melt?”
Chapter I of the Manual of Field Operations* states:
“For a general who, by the rapidity of his movements, or by the cleverness of his maneuvers, can place in action, at the same time and at the principal point of attack, a greater amount of force than the enemy, will necessarily gain the victory.”
Under normal circumstances, it is nearly impossible to take a good photograph of a Body Router (“BR”), but today, maneuvers were aided by a cloud of darkness (created by the rain) and large umbrellas (which assisted in taking the enemy by surprise).
In an ongoing effort to waste enormous amounts of time demonstrating how wonderful Los Angeles Org is and how astonished he is by their expansion, David “Let Him Die” Miscavige hisself assigned all Body Routers a special “Rainy Day” version of the Oxford Capacity Analysis Personality Test. Here are a few of the questions, all part of the “Golden Age of Personality Tests,” to be released next Maiden Voyage:
- When others are getting soaked to the bone, do you remain fairly dry?
- Do you browse through weather reports just for pleasure?
- Do you consider more money should be spent on developing more accurate weather forecasts?
- Do your dry off slowly?
- Does an unexpected rainstorm cause your muscles to twitch?
- Is a thunder storm a constant struggle for survival?
- Do you often go without an umbrella or a raincoat during a downpour just for the fun of it?
- Are you considered all washed-up by your friends?
- Do you take reasonable precautions to prevent from getting wet?
- Does the idea of drying off in front of people make you nervous?
- Are you always “weathering the storm”?
- Do you get an after-reaction when something unexpected, such as a storm, takes place?
- Does lightning and thunder rarely interfere with your concentration?
- Do you consider the modern method of weather forecasts doomed to failure?
- Do you speedily recover from the effects of bad weather?
- Do you often “sit and think” about thunder, lightning, rain and hail?
- Are you openly appreciative of rainbows?
- Do you often ponder on previous rainstorms?
- Do you ever get disturbed by the noise of a hurricane or when your house is suddenly “sucked up by a twister”?
- Can you quickly adapt and make use of distinct shifts of the earth’s axis even though those situations may be difficult?
- Does the “pitter and patter” of a constant rainfall set your teeth on edge?
- Do hill slides irritate you?
- Would you assist a fellow traveler if he got stuck in a sink hole in the middle of Los Angeles rather than leave it to the officials?
- Do you usually criticize a weather report that you see on television or a weather forecast you read in the newspaper?
- When recounting a time when a tornado hit without warning and whisked a house away can you easily imitate the mannerisms or the dialect in the original incident?
- Are you ever ill at ease in the company of meteorologists?
- Are you sometimes completely unable to enter the spirit of a waterspout or sink hole?
- Is your interest and knowledge of weather so important as to give little time for anything else?
- Do you have little regret on past mudslides and hail storms?
- Do rain showers seem rather vague and unreal to you?
DLHDM culminated the pre-release of the “Golden Age of Personality Tests” with the following message to all two hundred LA Org Body Routers:
“However vast the prospects of today, tonight and tomorrow, there is no greater truth than who you are as Body Routers. Because, after all, yours is the only Sea Org post founded on the power of body thetans. That Body Routers exhibit a never-imagined mixture of compassion, competence and creativity stands in sheer testament to that fact.
“But with that kind of horse shit comes the ultimate responsibility for the seven billion human beings who, likewise, long to be free of you—even if they cannot yet articulate it; even if they cannot yet grasp it. Those seven billion can feel their stomachs knot up in unison with tension as Body Routers sixteen dozen strong turn the corner of Vermont and Sunset, shoulder-to-shoulder; they know something’s coming their way; they can feel, smell and taste it. LA Org, after all, has more than aptly demonstrated that a lifetime career as a Body Router is a manifold reality—at 150% the comparable unemployment in the workaday world.
“So here is my closing statement for the day—and, yes, it returns us to where we began, with a convoluted message that very simply reads:
“Whenever you pull a volume from a Golden Age of Knowledge shelf in order to toss it into the flames…
“Whenever you take two steps back on the Bridge in this Golden Age of Tech…
“Whenever you hogtie one of those seven billion and drag him back kicking and screaming with the power of the Golden Age of Personality Tests…
“Whenever you throw out workable LRH technology and replace it with what I call ‘tech,’ whether unto yourself or on behalf of another…
“Well, in all substance and in all truth, there stands DLHDM, and I am with you. And so long as we remain steadfast to my legacy, we in turn are with me.
“To David ‘Let Him Die’ Miscavige!”
Chapter VIII of the Manual of Field Operations states:
“Every Bunkeroo, in every station of life, and in every locality worldwide should be a drilled soldier, one who knows his regiment and his company, and appears under arms at his rendezvous for duty against Scientology Incorporated, with as little delay or confusion, and as complete in all appointments.”
This brings to mind the words of fellow Bunkerite, MaxSpaceman, who wrote on April 2, 2015:
“Field Operations by Bunkeroos employing photo tech and posted are the most highly prized.”
Chapter IX of the Manual of Field Operations states:
“The science of tactics necessarily depending upon the nature of the camera made use of, has much altered since the introduction of the camera obscura, daguerreotypes and calotypes; indeed, much has transpired since the birth of film and Kodak.”
I recommend the Sony Cyber-shot DSC-W800; it fits nicely in your hand or in a back pocket of your breeches or khaki trousers, has an excellent viewing screen, and shoots both photos and video that are then easily transfered to your computer for upload to The Underground Bunker, a YouTube Channel or your own blog. The DSC-W800 packs a 5x optical zoom lens and can record 720p HD videos. It also comes in a variety of colors, making it quite easy to conceal as it will compliment any form of camouflage you choose.
Chapter X of the Manual of Field Operations states:
“The aim of a sharpshooter is the most useful of any; for the soldier, perfectly free in all his movements, taking the most convenient attitude, and availing himself of every advantage of the ground, can approach his enemy, chose his mark, and fire with precision.”
Grab your camera, find out what Scientology Incorporated is up to in your locality and report the enemy’s activities online, whether that resource be Tony Ortega, Mike Rinder, Marty Rathbun or your own blog.
* Inspired by the Manual of Field Operations by Lieut. Henry Jervis-White (London: John Murray, Albemarle Street, 1852).
Also inspired by Something Can Be Done About It (Mike Rinder’s Blog), “March 13 Hype-O-Rama,” April 25, 2015.