EQUIPPED FOR ETERNITY
EXERCISE IN FUTILITY

Dear Scientologist,
Dear $cientologist,

Having the necessary materials to make it all the way up the Bridge is a crucial component to your
David Miscavige (“COB”) has some time since passed the point of achieving a uniformly

future eternity.
unworkable trechnology.

When you travel the Routes to Knowledge, you experience double the gains in half the time. And
If you can’t get the trechnology applied, it isn’t Scientology. It’s worthless and $cientologists

with the Golden Age of Tech Phase II and release of the Mark Ultra VIII meter, everything is in place
should quickly blow. Therefore the road before $cientology is quite clear and its ultimate

for your rapid progress up the Bridge.
failure is assured if the trechnology is applied.

Having the full Golden Age of Knowledge library and the Mark Ultra VIII meter ensures you are fully
In order to keep $cientologists from learning the truth and leaving, Keep $cientology Working

equipped for your eternity.
(“K$W”) by: 1: Lying. 2. Religious Cloaking

From now until March 13th, when you obtain your remaining materials and thus own your full Golden
and Front Groups. 3: Disconnection. 4: SP Declares. 5: Gyp $cientologists out of their Life

Age of Knowledge library and your Mark Ultra VIII meter, you will receive exclusive awards to
Savings. 6: Use those Fortunes to Hire Goons, Lawyers and Private Investigators. 7. Deny

commemorate the accomplishment of becoming EQUIPPED FOR ETERNITY!
Everything. 8. Dead Agent One and All. 9. Hype Supa Powers. 10. Fair Game One and All!

AWARDS
PENALTIES

COMMENDATION
X-RAY GLASSES

POLO SHIRT
T-SHIRT

MESSENGER BAG (fits any course pack and lecture binder)
DON’T SHOOT THE MESSENGER BAG (will fit over your head perfectly when you become a Squirrel Buster for the cult)

NOTEPAD (6″ x 9″)
GOLDENROD PAPER (8½” x 14″, SO YOU CAN WRITE YOUR OWN SP DECLARE)

BOOB RADIO
YOU’RE THE PERFECT BOOB, CONGRATULATIONS!

PIN
PIN

HAMMER
HAMMER YOUR WAY OUT OF “THE HOLE”

HEY, MUG!
TOAST YOUR OWN “$UCCESS”

“One is rising to eternity. You think time is behind you? Have another thought. Look AHEAD. There’s
“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face — 

eternity!” — L. RON HUBBARD
forever.” — GEORGE ORWELL, Nineteen Eighty-Four.

MAKE IT ALL THE WAY UP THE BRIDGE
WAKE UP. YOU’RE ON COB’s “BRIDGE TO TOTAL FLEEDOM®

BECOME EQUIPPED FOR ETERNITY
COB IS STEERING $CIENTOLOGY OFF THE NEAREST CLIFF.

CONTACT DENVER ORG @ 666-XCOB666 / 666-XCOB666
CONTACT DENVER MORGUE @ 1-866-XSEAORG / 1-866-XSEAORG


Inspired by Something Can Be Done About It (Mike Rinder’s Blog), “Equipped For Eternity,” February 3, 2015.

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